In about a weeks time (give or take), I will be on my way to Chicago for my baseline appointment (for those of you not in the IVF-know, its a blood test and ultrasound to make sure you body is at its ideal state to start the "stims" which help to grow many eggs). And if things go well, I will be starting my belly shots the following day.
As I've alluded to in a previous post, I'm not really feeling much of anything about my upcoming cycle. I think this is the case for two reasons. 1) I'm not paying for it. This makes a world of difference becuase while there's a lot riding on this cycle, there's not $15K riding on this cycle. So that feels good. And 2) I'm excited to spend a few weeks downtown Chicago with my family. It feels more like I'm getting ready for a vacation.
I think its good that I'm not freaking out yet. And I'm happy that I'm feeling calm.
But I'm worried that this is the calm before the storm. The calm before the ups and downs of blood draws and ultrasounds, checking to see how many follicles are growing. The calm before the egg retrieval, provided I make it to retrieval. The calm before the fertilization report. The calm before the transfer (Well, the transfer really is a calm, ... thank YOU Valium!). And of course the calm before the storm of the two week wait.
B and I decided not to do this to ourselves again after our 3rd transfer failed. We didn't want to go through the pain and hurt and shattered hope. Through having to explain to our friends and family that once again, it didn't work. And yet, here we are again...
I just hope that I can maintain some of this calm as I watch myself go through the next month of shots, appointments, updates... and hope.
So last night, I did what any good girl would do before an impending storm.... MARTINIs!!!
I know exactly what you are feeling! That was a great way to describe it, "the calm befoe the storm." What a storm it is... I am wishing, hoping and prayin' that this cyle goes off without a hitch. Were you on bcps? I start 'em with my next cycle, so I am right behind ya, well 2 months behind ya, so lead the way!! Love ya girl! Have fun in Chicago and say "hi" to the Stork girls :)
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best of luck with things. I think the best you can do is to take it as it comes, so if you are calm now enjoy it. If you get anxious later, you will deal with that too. I am with you on the martinis :) enjoy.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the calm, especially if it does end up being the calm before the storm. Soak up each and every minute because it will help you ride out the storm, if a storm comes.
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of good vibes... and calm ones. ;)
all the best. You will be in my thoughts and I will be looking for your posts.
ReplyDeleteMaybe the calm will last and be just what your baby needs...I'm out here and calmly rooting for you. :-)
ReplyDeleteAh, yes....martinis WOULD make you calm. LOL! In any storm there's an eye, my friend....and we're all eyes for you. xoxo
ReplyDelete~M