"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. "

21 January 2011

I Thought I Told You to Stop Thinking!

(A quick aside before I get to my blog post: HAPPY ICLW! I can't believe how quickly these months are passing. Welcome to new readers. You'll see a few tabs at the top of my blog to learn a bit about me. I'm so glad you're here :-) )

In my last post, I decided to stop thinking and just do.

Easier said than done.

I had my monitoring appointment yesterday, after 6 days of stims. This are going well from the follicle side. I have about 12 measurable follicles and a few more unmeasurable ones. However, as soon as I saw those girls on the ultrasound monitor, I could see that things weren't ideal. Some of the follicles were a bit bigger than we had expected them to be at this point, which means that potentially my progesterone might start to increase before we wanted it to. The size of the follicles doesn't necessarily determine this, but my history does.

You see, with IVF #1& 2, I had premature lutenization.  A big scary word that manifests in progesterone rising too soon before retrieval of the eggs. To boil it down to lay-mans terms, when progesterone starts to increase too soon in one's cycle, it causes the uterine lining to be less receptive to the embryo and decreases pregnancy rates. It's potentially also a precursor to ovarian failure. I've found conflicting viewpoints on this topic. It seems that some RE's concern themselves with progesterone levels as an IVF cycler nears trigger and retrieval, and others don't. My RE's have actually written and published articles on it, and so, yes, they do concern themselves.

So I have to go back in on Sunday for a check on the growth of the follicles and my progesterone and estrogen levels. Based on those, we will either trigger that day for a retrieval on Tuesday or stim for a day or two more.

One of the ways to overcome this uterine receptivity issue is to do what's called a 'freeze-all'... so we'll get the eggs out of me, fertilize them with B's swimmers and then freeze all of the embryos and wait to transfer them until the next cycle where we can line up my progesterone levels accordingly. This is easy to do in a frozen cycle since I'm taking a drug to stop me from growing any follicles/eggs, and therefore no progesterone production that we can't control.

So that's an easy fix...but now I'm just a mess in my head. I wish there was a clear cut answer as to what to do and I so wish that for once my progesterone would just stay put. But I know that I can't control that, so I'm going to have to try to control my busy head. I'm waking up in the morning swirling with thoughts of what ifs and should haves.  Man, I wish this was easier. I wish that my ovaries just sucked and didn't produce any eggs.  I probably would have given up on my body by now and have moved on to another option and be either happily pregnant with a donor embryo or be working towards adoption. Instead, the fact that I have a lot of eggs makes me continue down this path of my own genetics, searching for a needle in a haystack. UGH!!!

So now all I can do is think.... what if we stim too long and my egg quality sucks. What if my progesterone is too high on Sunday at my next monitoring appointment and we miss the chance to transfer a fresh embryo? Our success rate automatically decreases. What if we don't have any good quality eggs to freeze if we can't transfer fresh? Why does my body do this? Should we be monitoring every day? EEEEEk!!!!!!!! My head is spinning and I need to stop!

Breathe in
Breathe out
Breath in
Breathe out

Anyone out there encounter this issue and have success??? Please tell me so?


  1. Ahhhh I'm not sure hun. I don't have any personal experience with this. But I will say a prayer for you, for sure!! Hang in there. I hope everything turns out great. I am glad to hear you have a good # of follies. *fingers crossed*

  2. I don't have luteal phase experience...but the RE at my new clinic in NJ said that there is a 90% survival rate with new vitrification. Just remind yourself that wrrying about this can't impact things...except to make yourself stressed out. Just repeat that you can handle this whatever happens and try and take it a day at a time.

    Ha, double-ha, she sneers as she thinks she needs to take her own advice!

  3. No advice, only that I have a really good feeling about this for you,

  4. As I read your paragraph about premature lutenization and the impact on lining, I started thinking, "freeze them and then come back with a frozen cycle" and then BAM, you wrote that! Obviously you'll have to play it by ear, which I know is complete torture as you run the various sceanrios through your brain, but if it comes down to the best course of action being to fertilize and freeze the embryos at Day 0, I can attest to success using that method. My very first IVF cycle, my RE was concerned about hyperstimulation, so they did the retrieval, fertilized the eggs and then froze the embryos. As long as the egg fertilizes, they will just go ahead and freeze them, so you won't know anything about quality of the embryo until you thaw later and let them grow. The other thing to tell you is that I got pregnant off of every frozen cycle I did (3 in total) and NONE of my fresh cycles, so frozen cycles absolutely do work! Deep breaths! You are doing great! I can't wait to hear the update this weekend!!

  5. Are you on lupron? I know that can help with ovulating too early. I hope things at your next scan make you calmer!

  6. Its so hard when everything is out of our control. The only advice I can give is to try and stay distracted. What comes will come and you will be able to move forward with the best option when you know more. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

  7. There are always a bazillion "What-Ifs" involved with infertility! Infertility sucks! But it sounds like your RE's know what they are doing and are going to do whatever they can to get you on the right track. Good luck, and I hope this is your cycle! :)

    ICLW #100

  8. I actually had the progesterone issue...My Dr. advised me on Day 3 that she didnt recommend x-fer because of my high progesterone and said that it wouldnt work...etc...etc....But since I had so many Embryo's that were cont to grow I told the RE I wanted to go forth with the x-fer and worst case scenerio it wouldnt work and then I would have back ups that I was freezing and would do a FET later...So she agreed and we did the 3 day x-fer and guess what I got a BFP:)))) So guess I proved their theory/research wrong

  9. My current cycle started with a crappy looking stimulation with too few follicles being all over the size range. I was ready to break down on Day 6. Things turned better later, though. Me, too, I am suffering of a weird progesterone problem. Hoping it will be ok for both of us this time! My fingers are crossed for you and for this cycle!
    I agree with you, ***BREATHE***
    Happy ICLW #190

  10. Dropping by again for ICLW week!
    You are way ahead of us, we are still in limbo of IVF D/E or IVF on our own for TTC #2. It's a tough decision as you don't want to not "try with your own eggs".
    Sending you lots of positive vibes, sticky baby dust and a BFP!
    Take Care,
    The C's

  11. I don't have any experience with this so can't offer any words of wisdom. I do hope that this will all get sorted out and turn out to be THE cycle for you!

    (Here from ICLW)

  12. Here from ICLW. I haven't gotten here yet so no advice for you. You've definitely had a tough go of things and I have to think you're in for some good luck. Sending you positive vibes for this cycle.

  13. Take it one day at a time! Wishing you the best on Tuesday! Keep us posted!

  14. Sometimes its really hard to turn the brain off. After all, during IVF, we get so much more information than any other woman typically gets when TTC. Trust in your doctors and find time to enjoy your day. I'll be sending you lots of positive thoughts this week.

    Elaine, ICLW.

  15. Holy crap....try not thinking when you're hit with THAT info. :-( Of COURSE your head is spinning! I'm thinking freeze and transfer later as well (and I love love love Infertile Farmer's way of thinking). ;-)

  16. Hi I know this is an old post just wondering if you were able to find a way to deal with the premature lutenization....I am having that problem as well and a my docotor is not very familiar with it...just hoping maybe you were able to find a way to deal with it...