I think acceptance is finally setting in. After 3.5 years of this, I'm finally able to talk about it in a normal conversation. Here's my example:
Yesterday, I was walking the dog and my neighbor, who just popped out her third child was outside with her 2 older girls. I don't know this neighbor all that well, but we smile or wave in passing. Well, this time, we struck up a conversation about their new addition and then she proceeded to ask me if we have any kids.
Normally, this would have stopped me in my tracks, and made me feel inadequate and just respond coyly, "Not yet." with a smile on my face, mostly to be vague.
But this time, I just felt compelled to be as normal and as a matter of fact about it and said, "No, we don't. We've actually been trying for quite a while"
And she responded with a very genuine, "Oh! I'm so sorry. That must be hard. I will pray for you in church."
And that was it... I thanked her very much and there was no drama, no stupid comments like "just adopt" or "have you tried putting a pillow under your ass". It was a normal adult conversation about a struggle and I didn't hide. I didn't run. I didn't lie. I just was me... all of me..
So I guess I'm finally accepting this journey and weaving it into my full self.
*(The Irony part of this story has been edited out for confidentiality reasons... sorry!)
That run in with your neighbor is great. I wish they all could go so smoothly!! I often get all nervous and weird when questioned about having kids, when I am calm and straight forward (like you were) it goes much smoother.
ReplyDeleteI lack words to comment on pregnant 8th grader. What is wrong with this world!!!
At least her response was one of care and compassion and not assvice. :) It is so refreshing to run into people who don't feel they need to solve your problems for you. Its like deep down they understand that you have already been doing more than just getting it on every month.
ReplyDeleteHooray for a drama-free encounter! But if your next interaction with someone slides back towards old gut reactions, don't beat yourself up. I still have days when a comment or a situation hits me wrong. But having a few "smooth" experiences under your belt certainly helps to reduce the anxiety factor. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteGood job...when I started answering questions in a fully open and honest way, it felt so freeing. Every once-in-a-while it did come back to bite me, though...there's always the few who still respond in the most idiotic, unthinking, insensitive ways. Luckily, I felt like *most* people were fairly reasonable.
ReplyDeleteI usually answer the "Do you have kids?" question with "Not yet and not until medical science can determine why". That usually gives them enough information to know that there is something wrong and the topic is usually dropped. Sometimes, people will delve deeper and I don't mind answering questions, but the "we'll pray for you" answer also pisses me off, for some reason. I am a church-going person and have been all my life and I just sort of figure that if my prayers are not being answered, what makes me think that their prayers are going to do any better. I'd rather they just start up a collection for fertility treatments!
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