"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. "

05 June 2010

Letting Go Is Confusing

We're at another juncture here in this baby journey of ours. The first juncture was to make the decision to try to get pregnant. The second was to try IVF. The third was to agree to be done with ART after 5 failed IUIs, 2 failed IVF and 1 failed FET...

And then I decided to take a free consult w/ an new RE....

And now we're at the fourth juncture, to try one more IVF...

I keep reading about and hearing about letting go and just being at peace with what is happening today. Not giving up the dream of being a parent, but letting go of the decisions, the process, the next steps, the research...

But I'm not really sure how to do that, or exactly what that means. Does it mean that I'm not supposed to try to find a reason why our cycles have failed when we really don't have one? Does that mean I'm supposed to stick with our plan a of a few months ago to not go back to an RE and pursue adoption? Does that mean that I'm supposed to just live my every day life and trust that a baby will just simply drop into my lap somehow?

UGH! I don't understand what it means to let go. I don't know how to find that happy middle ground of living in the present yet still trying to become parents. Does anyone have any advice?

(I still plan on sharing info on my consult w/ the new RE... but I'll keep that as a teaser for my next post)


  1. that's a toughie. I'd say that perhaps letting go while you're still in a decision-making phase is almost impossible. You can't move forward without taking a step. But perhaps once you have made a decision that really feels RIGHT to you, then it is the time to "let go" and see where this stream of your life's river will take you. and if you wash up on the shore again, pick up your baggage, portage it to the next spot that looks good and dive in again.

    May you find peace on your journey down this river. :)

  2. I think in this situation letting go means letting go of how you thought you'd become a mother and accepting that it will happen, maybe not in a way or when you had planned. Maybe letting go of the past to make way for the present and future - I am a sentimental person and hold on to regrets, but that is never productive or helpful. I thought I'd be a mother before I turned 30, for example, and clearly that didn't happen. Setting goals like that for things out of our control is something to let go of. If it takes one month or two years, will you be okay? Can you let go of expectations and allow what will happen to happen?

  3. I feel like we are in the same place as you. I was at peace with moving towards adoption after two failed IVF's. Then we went to an info. meeting. I cried for 3 days after that. Not ready to give up/let go. Then we thought we would do one more IVF, just so we could at least feel like we gave it 3 good tries. We went for a consult with a new RE (because we moved) and he discouraged us from doing so. Now we are back to adoption, but not ready. I also feel like I NEED to try IVF once more. I'm just so confused.

    I think letting go is a process that happens over a long period of time. Making attempts at conceiving, even if failed, is part of the letting go. For me, letting go has meant accepting that a baby is not going to happen easily or soon, but accepting that someday we WILL have one, however he or she may come!

  4. Letting go means moving forward with any plans, dreams, goals that you have in whatever way you know how but being able to not be totally invested in the outcome of YOUR choosing. I know. SO super hard when TTC.

    One of my favorite quotes: "We make plans; God laughs."

    May God's laughter fill your ears and your heart with joy so that you may move forward with peace and profound happiness. XO

  5. I can totally relate. We have one more IVF cycle in our shared risk program, and I am scared to death to use it because I don't know what the plan is beyond this next cycle. I have researched adoption, and am more open minded because i know more now, but I am learning in such an objective way....and not feeling the emotions yet. And yet, if we do nothing we've basically made a choice - a choice to live child free. I love the quote from Ms Independence about "We make plans; God laughs." I keep hoping that somehow God will shown me the path to what is right for us because clearly what I have been trying hasn't worked so well! : )