Paranoia

I took myself shopping today (and yesterday) because I needed some retail therapy. Its been a long few months studying for my last actuarial exam, which I took this past Wednesday. It was F-ing HARD!!!! But that's not the point...

I was checking out when the woman who was doing the checking out looked at me and said, "We're open until 11 tonight! Don't forget. It's a special day for you!"

And I quickly spit out of my mouth as fast as I could almost stumbling on the words, "I'm NOT a mom," worrying that she was going to ask me about my kids. Paranoid that I would for some reason have to explain the last 3 years of IUIs, IVF's, herbs, acupuncture....

She was in her mid 50s - 60s, had a beautiful Russian accent and a great sense of quirky style. She stared at me for a minute and happily told me that she was not talking about Mother's day. She was instead saying it was a special day because I was out shopping, spending money, enjoying the moment and being good to myself.

And I believed her. I truly did. And I wanted to hug her (I didn't.. but I really did want to) and tell her that in a world of mom's on a mother's day weekend, her thoughts were a breath of fresh air and I needed to hear that I don't have to run and hide just because the rest of the world is celebrating something that makes me so sad because I'm not part of it. So thank you check out woman at the departmant store! Your words touched me more than you know... I walked out of the store feeling strong in my self-splurging.

I then proceeded into the grocery store where not 2 minutes in, someone came over the loud speaker and announced that there were free hand massages and aroma therapy samples in the bath isle for all the MOM's in the store!!!! And my moment of confidence was immediately shot and I wanted to crawl back into a hole.

I should have gotten the damn hand massage anyways.