Cover Me... I'm Going In!

As I alluded to in my previous post, I'm considering doing another IVF cycle. I had a free phone consult with a doctor about 3.5 hours south who specializes in working with women like me... women without a real explanation of why all of those beautiful blasts never decided to stick around my uterus and hang out for 9 months.

The RE was really nice. We talked for about a half hour about my case. She called it 'compelling'. I think that made me smile, but I'm now not sure why. Regardless, she wants me to do a whole bunch of blood-work to test for possible signs that my immune system is attacking the little embryos when they try to stick and/or to test to see if B's genes are too similar to mine and as a result our embryos aren't recognized properly by my body. Neither of these are widely accepted methods of treatment yet in the US because there has not been a lot of randomized clinical trials, but it works for some women. And I think I'm in a place where I need to see this through. As scary as jumping back into the IVF game sounds to me, adoption right now is even scarier. AND, I'm not doing so well at not having a plan.

So, here I stand, potentially creating another wall to hide the view of my future.

A wise woman in my support group once told me, "No decision you make is permanent. If you are too scared to make a decision, try it on for a while. Live with it and feel what life is like with that decision. Understand what it means. But know that you can always take it back if you don't like it."

I feel like I'm at the return counter as we speak, "Can I exchange my 'No more ART decision' for that lovely '$14K IVF' model over there? Thanks."

But really, I'm heading back to war. Back to a battle with timing, appointments, shots, highs, hope, lows, debt...  diving back into the IVF trenches, ready to fight again, unsure of the outcome, fearful of the defeat, but optimistic enough to try once again. Because as I currently sit here on the sidelines, I feel helpless and edgy. I feel like my hands are tied and I want nothing more than to win the war and bring my baby home. So like the title says... Cover me, I'm going in!

P.S. - do you like the new look of the blog?